Today for the first time in a long time I realized just who I am. I am a loud, annoying, can't shut-up even with a sock in my mouth, sarcastic person who just doesn't give a hoot what people think about that. I realized that is stupid awesome. I am proud of myself. I have come to accept my faults and just have learned that if others can't deal with it they can pick up their bags lacking acceptance and just move on. Sometimes even faults have their uses.
It is my belief that upon coming into existence in this world everyone is given gifts to help them achieve his/her fate. I never use to know what my fate was suppose to be until a few years ago.
I know that my talent is art, but that my gifts are so much more different. I have been given the gift of friend to many, an open ear, a shoulder to cry on, the person who tells her friends when they are being blind about a situation, and a secret keeper.
In birth I was given another gift that I didn't know I have until 2008 when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. At first I thought it was more like a punishment for all the stupid partying I did in high school. Or that it was punishment for not being a good person. I was convinced of this until early 2010.
Today I realized that my loud mouthed, annoying behavior is also a gift. Most people with Fibromyalgia are embarrassed because they feel they are not going places with improvement to their lives. Sometimes that feeling stems from not having a happy marriage as a result of the illness, but most of the time it is from a lack of understanding by others.
For example when I was diagnosed one of my brothers asked a nurse he worked with about Fibromyalgia because he wanted to learn more. He didn't tell her his little sister was diagnosed. That nurse told him that Fibromyalgia is a made up illness that doctors tell people they have in an attempt to get them to stop complaining about being sick all the time or for coming into the doctor's office when nothing is wrong with them time and time again.
Fibromyalgia was not actually given a name or considered a disorder until sometime in the early 1990's. The leading doctor's working with Fibromyalgia are trying to find a link genetically to see if it actually a disease so it can be reclassified from a disorder to disease. Being so newly named and little being known about it makes it very hard for people to understand what it is.
As a Result many people with Fibromyalgia have been disowned by their families and friends and as a result are scared to speak up about their condition or let others find out. I on the other hand don't give a shit what others think about it. I feel that education is the best thing for everyone.
So of course being the annoying loud mouth I am I tell just about everyone I meet that I have Fibromyalgia and what it is. So many people that I tell ask me what it is. They say they had never heard of it before. Some people think its bull. Other's I'm sure are secretly thinking "Why is this person telling me this?" I don't care. I believe being open and educating the public is very important.
The other day a customer that called my work was telling me that he had a hard time getting behind the TV set to look at his cables. I asked if he had anyone else who could help him.
Flat out he told me " I don't know you so I'm not scared of how you decide to judge me. I would rather attempt this myself it is good for me to move even though it hurts. I have an illness called Fibromyalgia."
I shocked the gentleman when I told him that I know exactly how he was feeling because I too have the illness.
While we were troubleshooting and waiting for his equipment to reset he asked me how I could even leave the house to work. I told him I take medication and follow a guafenisen protocol.
Apparently all the doctors where he lived said that there was nothing to do accept keep taking pain medication and the gentleman admitted to being miserable. He asked me if I thought the quafenisen protocol would work for him.
I honestly told him that it is not for everyone, but it has been working for me. I gave him the website with all the treatment information on it and suggested he print out some information and take it to his next doctor's appointment.
His equipment finished resetting and was finally working.
As I was closing up my phone call I asked him " Have I met your needs today?"
His answer was "More than you will ever know. I believe that it was fate that I got you on the phone. Not only have you fixed my TV problem, but you have given me hope, and even a possible treatment option to give me doctor. You are truly an angel."
If I wasn't so caring, didn't have an open ear, didn't have Fibromyalgia, didn't know of a treatment plan for it, didn't know how to fix a TV problem, didn't understand how much effort or pain this customer was feeling, wasn't a loud mouth talker, then this gentleman might have continued to feel miserable and like no one cared. Perhaps I am his angel, and that makes me feel good.
If him getting me on the phone wasn't fate, then I don't know what it was.
If I wasn't who I am, I honestly believe that It would be pretty damn hard for me to leave my mark in this world. These gifts guide my fate and make me who I am.
Fate is a funny thing sometimes. It was fate that gave me my loving, understanding family and friends.
It is fate that my oldest brother had made a friend years earlier who suffered from the illness and already knew what it was and offered me help. It was fate that my second oldest brother is a brain and feel that his needs help others and works with people who have many problems. He is going to school to be an RN. I also believe in many ways that this same fate is what also ties us together.
If it wasn't for my illness I might not have been able to relate to my eldest brother when he got in an accident and now suffers from permanent nerve injury. If I had not been diagnosed I believe that my other brother might have decided against becoming a nurse to help others more fully.
As for my parents... well.. parents are parents. They love me no matter what and I love them. They help me when they can. My father, who is pushing 70, comes and helps me fix things around the house. Sometimes it is hard work. My mother is there for me when I get depressed because I feel useless and offers a shoulder to cry on. If I am in too bad of shape to do anything she comes and does my laundry and washes my dishes. I believe that fate is still at work with my parents. Some day they will need me and I will be there for them.
It is said that thread holds the universe together and bind us to one another. I believe that fate is actually this thread. Without it no one would be tied together, and there would be no love or understanding in this world. So next time something bad happens to you or you think poorly about yourself or others; think of a roll of thread and how you tie into the world. You may just discover what your fate really is or see life in a different perspective.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
In Rememberance of Those Who have Passed
Many people do not understand the significance of Halloween and celebrate it blindly as a reason to wear costumes and get candy. Before the 1600's it was not even celebrated.
The Halloween we all know includes costumes, candy, parties, fun, games, and carving of pumpkins into Jack-O-Lanterns. Really all of these elements we have come to know and follow as customs stem from other cultures.
Traditionally the carving of pumpkins came from Scotland and Ireland. There they carved Turnips.
Immigrants discovered that the carving of pumpkins was easier because they were easier to obtain.
The Jack-O-Lantern carries a very heavy significance that most don't even think or know about.
These carved turnips (now pumpkins) actually symbolize the remembrance of souls that are stuck in purgatory.
Trick-or-treating also holds a very significant meaning and dates back to the middle ages. On November 1st the poor people would go door to door begging for food in return for praying for the dead on November 2nd, which is, in the Catholic Faith, "All Souls Day". It is a day that the Catholics pray for those who have passed on in an attempt to help admit the souls in purgatory to Heaven.
The dressing up in costumes for Halloween comes from a traditions in Ireland and Scotland known as "guisng" where children would dress up and go door to door with carved out turnips and be rewarded with coins, cake, or other goodies.If they didn't receive anything good they would "trick" or pull a prank on the owner of that particular home. The first instance of "guising" in North America was reported in 1911. It caught on quick and was soon re-named trick-or-treating.
In Mexico they celebrate "Dias los Muertos" also known as "Day of the Dead" which ties in very closely into the Catholic Holiday "All Saints Day" (November 1st), and "All Souls Day" (November 2nd) Mexicans tie these two holidays around the time of when the Aztec;s would hold a festival in honor of the goddess Mictecacihuati, who is the goddess of the underworld, whose job is to watch over the bones of the dead. that is where skeletons and skulls tie into the holiday. Over the a period of time skeletons and skulls filtered into the Halloween traditions in North America. On November 1st the Mexicans make alters and decorate them with sugar skulls, favorite foods and beverages of the deceased, as well as objects that they favored in life. On November 2nd they pray for their lost friends and family members.
In Spain and other parts of the world they hold festivals and parades on November 2nd and at the end of the day gather in cemeteries to pray for the dead. With the Pagan religion Halloween ties in very closely to their fall traditions and festivities.
So next time you think about Halloween with all its treats, costumes, skeletons, skulls, Jack-O-Lanterns, and candy please remember that it is all for the souls of those those who have passed on. Whether trapped between an earthly existence or an other worldly one, whether they have gone to heaven or some better place, and for the souls who didn't make to a better place at all and are in the equivalent of hell. It is tradition to pray for all the souls. I'm not asking you to pray, I'm not asking you to observe the Halloween holiday. I am simply asking you to remember your loved ones and people you knew who are no longer with us.
The Halloween we all know includes costumes, candy, parties, fun, games, and carving of pumpkins into Jack-O-Lanterns. Really all of these elements we have come to know and follow as customs stem from other cultures.
Traditionally the carving of pumpkins came from Scotland and Ireland. There they carved Turnips.
Immigrants discovered that the carving of pumpkins was easier because they were easier to obtain.
The Jack-O-Lantern carries a very heavy significance that most don't even think or know about.
These carved turnips (now pumpkins) actually symbolize the remembrance of souls that are stuck in purgatory.
Trick-or-treating also holds a very significant meaning and dates back to the middle ages. On November 1st the poor people would go door to door begging for food in return for praying for the dead on November 2nd, which is, in the Catholic Faith, "All Souls Day". It is a day that the Catholics pray for those who have passed on in an attempt to help admit the souls in purgatory to Heaven.
The dressing up in costumes for Halloween comes from a traditions in Ireland and Scotland known as "guisng" where children would dress up and go door to door with carved out turnips and be rewarded with coins, cake, or other goodies.If they didn't receive anything good they would "trick" or pull a prank on the owner of that particular home. The first instance of "guising" in North America was reported in 1911. It caught on quick and was soon re-named trick-or-treating.
In Mexico they celebrate "Dias los Muertos" also known as "Day of the Dead" which ties in very closely into the Catholic Holiday "All Saints Day" (November 1st), and "All Souls Day" (November 2nd) Mexicans tie these two holidays around the time of when the Aztec;s would hold a festival in honor of the goddess Mictecacihuati, who is the goddess of the underworld, whose job is to watch over the bones of the dead. that is where skeletons and skulls tie into the holiday. Over the a period of time skeletons and skulls filtered into the Halloween traditions in North America. On November 1st the Mexicans make alters and decorate them with sugar skulls, favorite foods and beverages of the deceased, as well as objects that they favored in life. On November 2nd they pray for their lost friends and family members.
In Spain and other parts of the world they hold festivals and parades on November 2nd and at the end of the day gather in cemeteries to pray for the dead. With the Pagan religion Halloween ties in very closely to their fall traditions and festivities.
So next time you think about Halloween with all its treats, costumes, skeletons, skulls, Jack-O-Lanterns, and candy please remember that it is all for the souls of those those who have passed on. Whether trapped between an earthly existence or an other worldly one, whether they have gone to heaven or some better place, and for the souls who didn't make to a better place at all and are in the equivalent of hell. It is tradition to pray for all the souls. I'm not asking you to pray, I'm not asking you to observe the Halloween holiday. I am simply asking you to remember your loved ones and people you knew who are no longer with us.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Getting a feel for Steampunk Art....... experimenting
So lately I have been spending quite a bit of time online looking at different things to get to add to my artwork shadow boxes I plan on making. Eventually I'll need to get some clock gears and cogs, some typewriter keys, some dominos, and some decorative stationary paper.
luckily for me, being Halloween season I have been able to find miniature skeletons without an issue.
Once I've got the
those pieces I need to go to the party store and buy some of those little swords they put in mixed drinks. The fun part is going to be finding fake olives, sunflowers (tiny ones), and tiny itsy bitsy crown jewelery. I have located the small furniture and tea sets I need. I plan on getting those with my next paycheck. The shadow boxes will either have to be bought second hand and recycled, or my brother and his friend, or my friend Cori's dad will have to make or help make them for me.
I am also in search of something to use as pedestal bases for them. I'm thinking the bottom part of old lamps, old cabinet knobs, or maybe plumbing pieces. It really depends on what I can find.
I will also need to look around and attempt to find a few types of primer and spray paints. Since winter is rapidly approaching I'll have to use my brother's shop in his backyard, or my parents garage since I don't have one.
A few weeks ago I tinkering around with some items that I already had on hand and they came out pretty neat. Below are the images of the pieces I made with what I got to work with.
Since I didn't have any shadow boxes and I needed something that would hold the pieces I grabbed some blank CD's and I microwaved them for about 10 seconds to get the cracked. Then I used crazy glue to apply the parts. Sorry about the picture quality. I couldn't find the good camera. I have no idea where the boyfriend put it. I guess Maybe I should ask him before I try to use the camera on my phone again.
luckily for me, being Halloween season I have been able to find miniature skeletons without an issue.
Once I've got the
those pieces I need to go to the party store and buy some of those little swords they put in mixed drinks. The fun part is going to be finding fake olives, sunflowers (tiny ones), and tiny itsy bitsy crown jewelery. I have located the small furniture and tea sets I need. I plan on getting those with my next paycheck. The shadow boxes will either have to be bought second hand and recycled, or my brother and his friend, or my friend Cori's dad will have to make or help make them for me.
I am also in search of something to use as pedestal bases for them. I'm thinking the bottom part of old lamps, old cabinet knobs, or maybe plumbing pieces. It really depends on what I can find.
I will also need to look around and attempt to find a few types of primer and spray paints. Since winter is rapidly approaching I'll have to use my brother's shop in his backyard, or my parents garage since I don't have one.
Since I didn't have any shadow boxes and I needed something that would hold the pieces I grabbed some blank CD's and I microwaved them for about 10 seconds to get the cracked. Then I used crazy glue to apply the parts. Sorry about the picture quality. I couldn't find the good camera. I have no idea where the boyfriend put it. I guess Maybe I should ask him before I try to use the camera on my phone again.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Wake me up when September ends and a new life begins.
One of my brothers requested that I write a piece about my illness and about how my art, writing, and music have affected it. This is dedicated to my brother Nick, who is my number one fan.
With love, from your little sister. Enjoy :)
When I was a little kid I had a normal childhood. I spent the weekends south of New Underwood, SD at my grandparents farm. I spent numerous hours out playing in the sun, getting callouses on my fee from walking bare foot on the long gravel driveway.
I spent a lot of time playing in the barn with the cats and their newborn kittens or riding the makeshift horsey that grandpa had made out of an old metal barrel, hung with heavy from the rafters, and added a horse saddle to.
When I got older and stronger I would go out in the spring and help get the new calves grandpa purchased into the branding shoot. I can't even count how many times my ribs got bruised and possibly cracked from getting kicked. Or how many times I had to wash my hair from my uncles having fun throwing fresh rocky mountain oysters at me. I use to thank god after an afternoon of branding for making me just the right size to slide grandpas overalls over my clothes.
The years went by and suddenly anytime I tried to exert myself I would feel sick. By middles school I was missing one day of school about every two weeks. I didn't know what was wrong with me. The doctor couldn't figure it out what was causing it, but it was like my immune system was shutting down. There were no systems or tests to prove if it was an immune system disorder or not.
By time high school came I was missing on average of 1-2 days of school a week. To this day I am amazed that I even graduated. I went off to tech school after that. While there I would get so sick that I'd have to go home very often. It was like the flu. The doctor was still stumped and wasn't sure what to do.
After I graduated tech school I took a full time job at the local Sam's Club working in the cafe. Almost every time I had to go in and out of the freezer my back would start to hurt. At the time I figured that it was just the hard work that was doing it. After about a year of this I started getting sick to the point of vomiting from the pain and would have such major migraines that I could hardly see anything other than black spots. My co-workers had to sit me down in the steel in the back and would keep an eye on me in fear that I might pass out. My allergies would get so bad that I couldn't hardly breathe. I had allergy testing done and discovered that I have become allergic to cats, horses, cows, weeds, and many other things. The allergy meds helped with the headaches a little bit, but I still knew that something was wrong. Eventually I realized that something was wrong. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that the combination of the drama caused by an ex roommate and n ex boyfriend, combined with the aches and pains that I needed to leave.
A friend of mine helped me get a job at a call center. At this point my doctor had retired and I had to find a new one. The sickness and pain just kept on coming even though I was no longer doing hard work anymore. Eventually this doctor figured that I'm a hypochondriac and wouldn't help me.
I kept on doing the best I could and kept on looking for someone who would know what to do, but I couldn't find anyone.
November 29th, 2008 I went with some of my co-workers to the funeral of a close friends father. I knew him and it was a very sad occasion. He loved peppermint patties and there were some sitting out for the guests if they wanted one. I opened one and ate it, remembering how the few times I had seen my friend's father he had always had candy in his pocket.
The next morning I woke up and could barely move. I had to crawl to the bathroom anytime I needed to go. The rest of the day was spent in bed in so much pain that I was dizzy. I called my mom and told her what was happening.
Ironically a few days before my boyfriend at the time thought that he may have chronic fatigue syndrome and had printed out a sheet about it. He brought it to me in bed and asked if I thought he may have it. I read through the list of symptoms and realized that it sounded like everything I had recently experienced.
October 1, 2008 My life changed forever. My mom came and helped me up to the Urgent Care clinic. There I was seen by a PA named Debra. My mom handed her the sheet about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Deb carefully looked over it and asked for some time to look through my medical records. She noticed the severe allergies, the constant illnesses, and a number of other things. Deb smiled at me and said "Boy I'm glad you got to see me. I'm surprised no one else has caught this before. I'm pretty sure I know what is wrong." Deb asked me to lay down on the table and started poking my arms and around my collar bone. I yipped in pain. then she asked me to sit on a stool and repeated the process on the back side.
When Debra was done she asked my mom if when I was little if I had growing pains so bad that I couldn't sleep. My mom told her yes. At that time I instantly remembered. I use to wake up in the middle of the night screaming and I'd wake up everyone in the house.
Debra said she had to go get some paperwork and some samples and she left the room. My mom and I sat in silence not sure what to think.
Minutes later Debra came back and handed my mom a handful of papers. She took a business card out of her pocket and wrote something on the back. The suspense was killing me.
Finally Debra addressed me. "Melissa, the reason you are so lucky you got to see is that I have exactly what you have. It seems you have had since you were a little kid. Sometimes it doesn't show up until you get older. I am almost positive that the peppermint patty you ate at that funeral is what set it off making it easier to catch. Melissa, you have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and hyperglecemia."
She handed me the card. "On the backside of that card is my email address in case you have questions or need help. I have also written down a website that tells you about the treatment plan I am on. I think this treatment will work for you.
When I got home that day and took the samples that I was suppose to my mom and I began reading the stack of papers Debra had given us and we went to the website and checked out the information about Fibromyalgia. When we were done we went through all of my personal hygiene products and threw everything away that had ingredients on the list of products that make the Fibromyalgia worse. After we were done about an hour later at most we went to the nearest drug store and filled the prescriptions that Debra had given me and carefully picked out products that were safe to use. We also picked up a bunch of Mucinex since the treatment called for the use of Guaifenisen every day.
Over the next six months I struggled with the Mucinex trying to figure out what dose I was suppose to take. If it was too high my the Fibromyalgia would make me bedridden. If the dosage was too low I was so miserable that I wouldn't want to do anything. Finally after awhile we realized that Both doses were wrong. I needed an extremely high dosage of the Mucinex. Mucinex helps break up the build up of phosphate in your muscles that trigger the nerve pain. Slowly I started to feel better. Then I would get bad. Then I would get better again.
To this day I still have to take Mucinex and watch what I put on my skin, but generally I feel pretty good most of the time. For the most part I don't get sick all the time either.
One day I was listening the Green Day in my car while driving to work. The song "Wake me up when September ends" began to play. I listened carefully to the words and it dawned on me that if I had a theme song that would be it. It was basically the story of my life. I was dead, or asleep and wasn't really "here" where I should be. Then when September ended I woke up.
I am one of those people that believe everyone always gets a second chance at life some point or another in their lives. I realized that my diagnoses and recovery process was mine.
To this day I thank god for the peppermint patty that gave me my second chance. I am still at the beginning point of my second chance and so far the future is looking brighter every day. Slowly I keep getting better. This last April I left my old job and got a new one that is less stressful. Now I feel like I am actually getting my life back. Granted I won't be able to walk barefoot anymore. I won't be able to play in the dirt or help with cattle branding or play with cats anymore. I tell you what though; it doesn't bother me.
I can now go out with my friends more. I can actually clean my house and not feel like I'm going to die. I can see my family on a regular basis and not feel out of place for being a party pooper.Any time I start to feel down or like fate had drawn me a shitty hand in life I just remember "Wake me up when September ends" by Green Day. Sometimes I will listen to it over and over again. Every time I do I remember that God gave me a second chance. It invigorates me. It gives me strength to continue. That is exactly what I do. I continue living on. I share my illness openly since so little is known about it and many people don't understand it. I feel that this is part of my second chance. It is now my mission in life. Who cares about having a great paying job, or having fancy things. Not me. All I want is to continue living my second chance. My friends and family are the most important to me. They give me support when needed and believe in me.
Since 2008 I have been writing a book. It is a very sci-fi type book that is based off of a series of dreams that go back to back with each other. This was during the time I was adjusting and finding medications that work for me. I had these dreams for about 6 months and remember all the little details. My life goal is to eventually get all 10 notebooks full of information typed up into the book. Eventually I will get there. I have the drive. So far there is about 200 pages typed in. It may end up having to be more than one book. So far I'm not sure.
Someday I hope to get this book published. If I can accomplish this goal I am going to donate a certain percentage of the proceeds to the Fibroymaglia Treatment Research program to help others just like me. I also try to express my pain and life lessons in artwork. My goal with that is to someday have them displayed as a sign to the world that pain is real everyone suffers from it. Sometimes it is hard for others to understand an invisible illness regardless of what it is. I want to prove that some people are just glad for what they have.
I live in my own place. I have a loving caring boyfriend with a 2 year old daughter who are my immediate family. The little one calls me momma. I have loving and affectionate parents who help me out. I have two brothers, a sister-in-law, and two nieces who help me when they can. Sometimes its just helping me with my car, or doing something around the house. I have friends who will do my dishes or give me a ride if I am doing not so well and can't drive. I have co-workers who worry and make sure that I don't need any assistance.
I am very thankful for everyone in my life and am very lucky. I belong to an online support group for Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Many of the ladies in my group are divorced because there spouses didn't want to deal with them. Some of them have been disowned by their children or parents because they think that Fibromyalgia isn't real. Some of them have more than one medical issue and are on permanent disability. Others were homeless and had to sleep on a different friends couch every night until they could get income fixed housing with their disability. I appreciate everyone in my life because of my online support group buddies. Many of them are the reason I have decided to try to dedicate my life to making people aware of Fibromyalgia and what it is.
Sometimes I offend people or they think I'm full of it, but I don't really care. Planting the seed of understanding is all I seek.
Any time life throws a rock at you remember to "Be a rock and not to roll" and that "A new day will dawn for those who stand long." Sometimes a wakeup call like "Wake me up when September ends" is required to help you find reason and point living. Make the best of a situation and find your silver lining.
With love, from your little sister. Enjoy :)
When I was a little kid I had a normal childhood. I spent the weekends south of New Underwood, SD at my grandparents farm. I spent numerous hours out playing in the sun, getting callouses on my fee from walking bare foot on the long gravel driveway.
I spent a lot of time playing in the barn with the cats and their newborn kittens or riding the makeshift horsey that grandpa had made out of an old metal barrel, hung with heavy from the rafters, and added a horse saddle to.
When I got older and stronger I would go out in the spring and help get the new calves grandpa purchased into the branding shoot. I can't even count how many times my ribs got bruised and possibly cracked from getting kicked. Or how many times I had to wash my hair from my uncles having fun throwing fresh rocky mountain oysters at me. I use to thank god after an afternoon of branding for making me just the right size to slide grandpas overalls over my clothes.
The years went by and suddenly anytime I tried to exert myself I would feel sick. By middles school I was missing one day of school about every two weeks. I didn't know what was wrong with me. The doctor couldn't figure it out what was causing it, but it was like my immune system was shutting down. There were no systems or tests to prove if it was an immune system disorder or not.
By time high school came I was missing on average of 1-2 days of school a week. To this day I am amazed that I even graduated. I went off to tech school after that. While there I would get so sick that I'd have to go home very often. It was like the flu. The doctor was still stumped and wasn't sure what to do.
After I graduated tech school I took a full time job at the local Sam's Club working in the cafe. Almost every time I had to go in and out of the freezer my back would start to hurt. At the time I figured that it was just the hard work that was doing it. After about a year of this I started getting sick to the point of vomiting from the pain and would have such major migraines that I could hardly see anything other than black spots. My co-workers had to sit me down in the steel in the back and would keep an eye on me in fear that I might pass out. My allergies would get so bad that I couldn't hardly breathe. I had allergy testing done and discovered that I have become allergic to cats, horses, cows, weeds, and many other things. The allergy meds helped with the headaches a little bit, but I still knew that something was wrong. Eventually I realized that something was wrong. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that the combination of the drama caused by an ex roommate and n ex boyfriend, combined with the aches and pains that I needed to leave.
A friend of mine helped me get a job at a call center. At this point my doctor had retired and I had to find a new one. The sickness and pain just kept on coming even though I was no longer doing hard work anymore. Eventually this doctor figured that I'm a hypochondriac and wouldn't help me.
I kept on doing the best I could and kept on looking for someone who would know what to do, but I couldn't find anyone.
November 29th, 2008 I went with some of my co-workers to the funeral of a close friends father. I knew him and it was a very sad occasion. He loved peppermint patties and there were some sitting out for the guests if they wanted one. I opened one and ate it, remembering how the few times I had seen my friend's father he had always had candy in his pocket.
The next morning I woke up and could barely move. I had to crawl to the bathroom anytime I needed to go. The rest of the day was spent in bed in so much pain that I was dizzy. I called my mom and told her what was happening.
Ironically a few days before my boyfriend at the time thought that he may have chronic fatigue syndrome and had printed out a sheet about it. He brought it to me in bed and asked if I thought he may have it. I read through the list of symptoms and realized that it sounded like everything I had recently experienced.
October 1, 2008 My life changed forever. My mom came and helped me up to the Urgent Care clinic. There I was seen by a PA named Debra. My mom handed her the sheet about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Deb carefully looked over it and asked for some time to look through my medical records. She noticed the severe allergies, the constant illnesses, and a number of other things. Deb smiled at me and said "Boy I'm glad you got to see me. I'm surprised no one else has caught this before. I'm pretty sure I know what is wrong." Deb asked me to lay down on the table and started poking my arms and around my collar bone. I yipped in pain. then she asked me to sit on a stool and repeated the process on the back side.
When Debra was done she asked my mom if when I was little if I had growing pains so bad that I couldn't sleep. My mom told her yes. At that time I instantly remembered. I use to wake up in the middle of the night screaming and I'd wake up everyone in the house.
Debra said she had to go get some paperwork and some samples and she left the room. My mom and I sat in silence not sure what to think.
Minutes later Debra came back and handed my mom a handful of papers. She took a business card out of her pocket and wrote something on the back. The suspense was killing me.
Finally Debra addressed me. "Melissa, the reason you are so lucky you got to see is that I have exactly what you have. It seems you have had since you were a little kid. Sometimes it doesn't show up until you get older. I am almost positive that the peppermint patty you ate at that funeral is what set it off making it easier to catch. Melissa, you have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and hyperglecemia."
She handed me the card. "On the backside of that card is my email address in case you have questions or need help. I have also written down a website that tells you about the treatment plan I am on. I think this treatment will work for you.
When I got home that day and took the samples that I was suppose to my mom and I began reading the stack of papers Debra had given us and we went to the website and checked out the information about Fibromyalgia. When we were done we went through all of my personal hygiene products and threw everything away that had ingredients on the list of products that make the Fibromyalgia worse. After we were done about an hour later at most we went to the nearest drug store and filled the prescriptions that Debra had given me and carefully picked out products that were safe to use. We also picked up a bunch of Mucinex since the treatment called for the use of Guaifenisen every day.
Over the next six months I struggled with the Mucinex trying to figure out what dose I was suppose to take. If it was too high my the Fibromyalgia would make me bedridden. If the dosage was too low I was so miserable that I wouldn't want to do anything. Finally after awhile we realized that Both doses were wrong. I needed an extremely high dosage of the Mucinex. Mucinex helps break up the build up of phosphate in your muscles that trigger the nerve pain. Slowly I started to feel better. Then I would get bad. Then I would get better again.
To this day I still have to take Mucinex and watch what I put on my skin, but generally I feel pretty good most of the time. For the most part I don't get sick all the time either.
One day I was listening the Green Day in my car while driving to work. The song "Wake me up when September ends" began to play. I listened carefully to the words and it dawned on me that if I had a theme song that would be it. It was basically the story of my life. I was dead, or asleep and wasn't really "here" where I should be. Then when September ended I woke up.
I am one of those people that believe everyone always gets a second chance at life some point or another in their lives. I realized that my diagnoses and recovery process was mine.
To this day I thank god for the peppermint patty that gave me my second chance. I am still at the beginning point of my second chance and so far the future is looking brighter every day. Slowly I keep getting better. This last April I left my old job and got a new one that is less stressful. Now I feel like I am actually getting my life back. Granted I won't be able to walk barefoot anymore. I won't be able to play in the dirt or help with cattle branding or play with cats anymore. I tell you what though; it doesn't bother me.
I can now go out with my friends more. I can actually clean my house and not feel like I'm going to die. I can see my family on a regular basis and not feel out of place for being a party pooper.Any time I start to feel down or like fate had drawn me a shitty hand in life I just remember "Wake me up when September ends" by Green Day. Sometimes I will listen to it over and over again. Every time I do I remember that God gave me a second chance. It invigorates me. It gives me strength to continue. That is exactly what I do. I continue living on. I share my illness openly since so little is known about it and many people don't understand it. I feel that this is part of my second chance. It is now my mission in life. Who cares about having a great paying job, or having fancy things. Not me. All I want is to continue living my second chance. My friends and family are the most important to me. They give me support when needed and believe in me.
Since 2008 I have been writing a book. It is a very sci-fi type book that is based off of a series of dreams that go back to back with each other. This was during the time I was adjusting and finding medications that work for me. I had these dreams for about 6 months and remember all the little details. My life goal is to eventually get all 10 notebooks full of information typed up into the book. Eventually I will get there. I have the drive. So far there is about 200 pages typed in. It may end up having to be more than one book. So far I'm not sure.
Someday I hope to get this book published. If I can accomplish this goal I am going to donate a certain percentage of the proceeds to the Fibroymaglia Treatment Research program to help others just like me. I also try to express my pain and life lessons in artwork. My goal with that is to someday have them displayed as a sign to the world that pain is real everyone suffers from it. Sometimes it is hard for others to understand an invisible illness regardless of what it is. I want to prove that some people are just glad for what they have.
I live in my own place. I have a loving caring boyfriend with a 2 year old daughter who are my immediate family. The little one calls me momma. I have loving and affectionate parents who help me out. I have two brothers, a sister-in-law, and two nieces who help me when they can. Sometimes its just helping me with my car, or doing something around the house. I have friends who will do my dishes or give me a ride if I am doing not so well and can't drive. I have co-workers who worry and make sure that I don't need any assistance.
I am very thankful for everyone in my life and am very lucky. I belong to an online support group for Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Many of the ladies in my group are divorced because there spouses didn't want to deal with them. Some of them have been disowned by their children or parents because they think that Fibromyalgia isn't real. Some of them have more than one medical issue and are on permanent disability. Others were homeless and had to sleep on a different friends couch every night until they could get income fixed housing with their disability. I appreciate everyone in my life because of my online support group buddies. Many of them are the reason I have decided to try to dedicate my life to making people aware of Fibromyalgia and what it is.
Sometimes I offend people or they think I'm full of it, but I don't really care. Planting the seed of understanding is all I seek.
Any time life throws a rock at you remember to "Be a rock and not to roll" and that "A new day will dawn for those who stand long." Sometimes a wakeup call like "Wake me up when September ends" is required to help you find reason and point living. Make the best of a situation and find your silver lining.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Being Tolerant of another's belief or Lifestyle
For those who don't know me very well I was raised to believe in the Catholic faith. I feel as a person I have grown past that.
Over the past several years I have gathered a vast knowledge of other religions, beliefs and customs.
I have discovered that nearly everyone that I know believes is something. Sometimes to the extreme where they think others will suffer horrible judgement at the pearly gates for not believing in what they do.
Today I write about this because about a week ago I went to lunch with my dad and he was really quite ashamed of many of his co-workers in his age group 60+.
His employer recently had open enrollment for their 2012 insurance benefits.
The company he works for decided to change the definition of spouse to significant other so that people living with brothers. sisters. disabled parents, or a lover non-married in status can be covered. The plan also allows ANY lover. Gay relationships and Lesbian relationships included.
My dad felt ashamed of his co-workers because they complained and griped about how gays and lesbians do not deserve the same rights as everyone else. That's right. My dad's older age group mostly believes that gays and lesbians are not following the natural order of the world and therefore defy god.
You see, even though I grew up with the Catholic faith I was taught at a very young age that age, race, religion, and sex preference is not up to us. God/mother earth/ etc has made everyone in "its" image. Just because I was raised believing in god and still do doesn't mean that my definition of god is correct. Only "it" knows the real story. How the world was made. How man came to be and so on.
Many could argue this by saying the Bible is correct. Well if that is the case why is it that almost every religion has there own version of a great flood? Pre-A.D. literature includes many stories which have been added to many different religious books. A good example is the story "Gilgamesh" written in the 7th century B.C. While on a journey Gilgamesh meets the oldest man in the world. He is believed to be hundreds of years old and is therefore the grandfather of man. There was a great flood and the gods had instructed him to build a giant boat out of sheets of slate. He was then told to take two of each animal and load them onto the boat. Sounds familiar right?
So with that being shared........
I believe in anything good. Do good in your life and treat others the way you would like to be treated you are therefore doing god's will (God to me). There is no such thing as a right religion, or a wrong one. This is because we are not god. We don't know what (it) considers as a correct religion. Therefore we have no right to judge anyone. That is god's place.
God controls who your parents are, how you are raised, what race you are. He also in my and my dad's opinion decides who is gay, lesbian, or straight. What is right for me isn't necessarily right for everyone.
So next time you hear someone judge someone harshly for who they are and how they were made remember this: We were all made in god's image. How would you feel if it was you being judged?
What if you were in danger for your beliefs and lifestyle and no one would stand up for you and help? What would you do if you saw someone being beat to death on the side of a unpaved road?
Being a good person is what it all boils down to. To be what we need to be as a human race we need to learn to be more tolerant of others. Lets teach our children this. Lets not continue on as the older baby boomers have. Let's teach our children how to make the world a better place by helping abolish the belief that there is only one right religion or that being straight is the only way to be.
Over the past several years I have gathered a vast knowledge of other religions, beliefs and customs.
I have discovered that nearly everyone that I know believes is something. Sometimes to the extreme where they think others will suffer horrible judgement at the pearly gates for not believing in what they do.
Today I write about this because about a week ago I went to lunch with my dad and he was really quite ashamed of many of his co-workers in his age group 60+.
His employer recently had open enrollment for their 2012 insurance benefits.
The company he works for decided to change the definition of spouse to significant other so that people living with brothers. sisters. disabled parents, or a lover non-married in status can be covered. The plan also allows ANY lover. Gay relationships and Lesbian relationships included.
My dad felt ashamed of his co-workers because they complained and griped about how gays and lesbians do not deserve the same rights as everyone else. That's right. My dad's older age group mostly believes that gays and lesbians are not following the natural order of the world and therefore defy god.
You see, even though I grew up with the Catholic faith I was taught at a very young age that age, race, religion, and sex preference is not up to us. God/mother earth/ etc has made everyone in "its" image. Just because I was raised believing in god and still do doesn't mean that my definition of god is correct. Only "it" knows the real story. How the world was made. How man came to be and so on.
Many could argue this by saying the Bible is correct. Well if that is the case why is it that almost every religion has there own version of a great flood? Pre-A.D. literature includes many stories which have been added to many different religious books. A good example is the story "Gilgamesh" written in the 7th century B.C. While on a journey Gilgamesh meets the oldest man in the world. He is believed to be hundreds of years old and is therefore the grandfather of man. There was a great flood and the gods had instructed him to build a giant boat out of sheets of slate. He was then told to take two of each animal and load them onto the boat. Sounds familiar right?
So with that being shared........
I believe in anything good. Do good in your life and treat others the way you would like to be treated you are therefore doing god's will (God to me). There is no such thing as a right religion, or a wrong one. This is because we are not god. We don't know what (it) considers as a correct religion. Therefore we have no right to judge anyone. That is god's place.
God controls who your parents are, how you are raised, what race you are. He also in my and my dad's opinion decides who is gay, lesbian, or straight. What is right for me isn't necessarily right for everyone.
So next time you hear someone judge someone harshly for who they are and how they were made remember this: We were all made in god's image. How would you feel if it was you being judged?
What if you were in danger for your beliefs and lifestyle and no one would stand up for you and help? What would you do if you saw someone being beat to death on the side of a unpaved road?
Being a good person is what it all boils down to. To be what we need to be as a human race we need to learn to be more tolerant of others. Lets teach our children this. Lets not continue on as the older baby boomers have. Let's teach our children how to make the world a better place by helping abolish the belief that there is only one right religion or that being straight is the only way to be.
Self Preservation Instincts have made me selfish. Watch out Lyrica users with CVS CareMark Prescription coverage.
Things have been looking up lately regardless of all the bad that has happened to my family and friends.
Lately I have been able to spend more time worrying about my self instead of everyone else. I know that may sound really selfish or rude, but for those who don't know me I worry about everything and just about everyone. It is a genetic trait that apparently I have managed to inherit from my dad.
I have been spending the last couple of months praying for things to get better and worrying about everyone.
What made me stop? One word...... drama.
In my almost 30 years of life I have learned many valuable lessons in life about trust, caring about others, and when your friendship with someone really means something or not.
To be honest I sometimes stick my head where it doesn't belong. Everybody does that at some point in time or another.This time I wish I would have thought about it more before doing it.
When I am concerned about a friend or family member I do stick my nose in their business sometimes. It is more or less me telling them that they are being incredibly stupid or getting into trouble and should avoid it.
That's just what I did. I stuck my nose in the business of someone who I thought was a friend because I was worried that with this person's actions they could loose their job. They took serious offense and made someone else tell me that it was none of my business and to stop sticking my nose in his/her and an others affairs. Earlier that week when I talked to this person they had told me that anyone who messes with their affairs will lose job. "I will have his/her job"
What does that translate to? This individual threatened my job whether he/she realized it or not.
Part of my mistake was not addressing this person directly. Instead I went through someone who I thought was also a friend. That was a "big" mistake. This "friend" didn't even really give me a chance to let her/him know that I was hearing people using her/his name as an information source for very hurtful gossip. Some of which I had heard from said "friend" directly myself. Whether or not this person was truly responsible or not doesn't matter. I really wanted to warn this "friend" to stop talking about everything with whoever he cared to divulge information to. Knowing that it should have already triggered a red flag. I should have just cut my loses before saying anything at all.
Immediately after I received the message to get my nose of of said person/s business: I decided to remove individuals in question from my facebook, ditched any phone numbers I had, and have since been ignoring the situation and persons involved all together.
I had been in a similar situation to individual/s position, but at the other end of the stick. I was the one having horrible things said about me both in the workplace and out off it by an ex roommate and an ex boyfriend. Sadly I had no choice at that time but to leave and seek employment elsewhere because the company policy allowed me to continue being bullied.
Do I regret having tried to tell this friend I was worried about his/her job? YES. I regret it because now I am worried that these people will be gunning for me since I have brushed them off. Even worse yet I fear that they will not be nice to party that delivered me the message.
Am I happy to have done it? YES.
With all the drama I have experienced I have learned a very valuable lesson.
-If your friends cannot take your opinion for what it is worth regardless of how brutally honest and in their face it is.... they are not your friends. If they cannot tell you themselves that they have a problem with you... they are stuck in high school drama and either wish to stay there or allow others too keep them there.
The best way to handle a situation like that is to just throw in the rag and call it quits. Don't go around telling names and only say what's on your mind. if you feel the need in order to let off steam make sure you don't mention any one's name. Don't say "she" or "he" if at all possible.
Just because someone you know gossips about a person and gives out names doesn't give you any right to continue their ways and hurt people regardless of what they have said about you or anyone else.
That is how things should be handled. Adults tell their friends and family when they are doing something that could have serious consequences. They know better than go around telling everyone others deepest darkest secrets. Eventually it all boils down to karma.
Keep that in mind next time you care about someone. Do you want them to know you care and realize they don't? Or........ would you rather keep it a mystery and not say a word?
Between making sure that I avoid any problems so I don't lose my job and taking care of my Fibromyalgia I have been one "void" person and cannot seem to worry about any one or anything except "numero uno". My self preservation and instincts have made me selfish as of late. I want my "BEST" friends as close as possible to help seal the black hole of trust that was left gaping wide open.
Speaking of Fibromyalgia if you or anyone one you know uses CVS CareMark for prescription coverage do not be surprised if you go to fill your medications for nerve pain and the pharmacist tells you that CVS is refusing to cover your script without your doctor calling them and telling them why you need it. Some of those are spending. My drugstore offered to fill it for me out of pocket, but they wanted $160!!!! There was no way I could afford it.
The last few days I have been having intermittent nerve pain to the point of being so annoyed I have been snapping at just about anyone. Then today while at work my hands decided they no longer wanted to work. They went completely numb, started to turn purple, and I couldn't move my fingers!
That was not cool. Numbness and nerve pain are known side affects of with draw from the medications, but I wasn't expecting that.
When I get a chance to call CVS and bitch I am going to do so immediately.
What would have happened if I had been driving a car instead of sitting at a desk?
I could have wrecked. Worse I could have died from a wreck!
I understand that insurance and prescription drug plans are trying to save money, but don't you think that they should check what "could" happen if they refuse to cover it? Apparently they don't care about having to pay out more because someone might get hurt badly and has to be hospitalized.
If you use Lyrica call CVS CareMark at least 2 weeks before your next refill and make sure they refuse to fill before you find out the hard way.
So there you have it. Don't be stupid and tell someone what you need to say to someone else you think you can trust. Also be aware of withdraw side effects of nerve medication. Remember when you worry about others it can bite you in the ass. It is important sometimes to worry about yourself instead of friends and family from time to time.
Lately I have been able to spend more time worrying about my self instead of everyone else. I know that may sound really selfish or rude, but for those who don't know me I worry about everything and just about everyone. It is a genetic trait that apparently I have managed to inherit from my dad.
I have been spending the last couple of months praying for things to get better and worrying about everyone.
What made me stop? One word...... drama.
In my almost 30 years of life I have learned many valuable lessons in life about trust, caring about others, and when your friendship with someone really means something or not.
To be honest I sometimes stick my head where it doesn't belong. Everybody does that at some point in time or another.This time I wish I would have thought about it more before doing it.
When I am concerned about a friend or family member I do stick my nose in their business sometimes. It is more or less me telling them that they are being incredibly stupid or getting into trouble and should avoid it.
That's just what I did. I stuck my nose in the business of someone who I thought was a friend because I was worried that with this person's actions they could loose their job. They took serious offense and made someone else tell me that it was none of my business and to stop sticking my nose in his/her and an others affairs. Earlier that week when I talked to this person they had told me that anyone who messes with their affairs will lose job. "I will have his/her job"
What does that translate to? This individual threatened my job whether he/she realized it or not.
Part of my mistake was not addressing this person directly. Instead I went through someone who I thought was also a friend. That was a "big" mistake. This "friend" didn't even really give me a chance to let her/him know that I was hearing people using her/his name as an information source for very hurtful gossip. Some of which I had heard from said "friend" directly myself. Whether or not this person was truly responsible or not doesn't matter. I really wanted to warn this "friend" to stop talking about everything with whoever he cared to divulge information to. Knowing that it should have already triggered a red flag. I should have just cut my loses before saying anything at all.
Immediately after I received the message to get my nose of of said person/s business: I decided to remove individuals in question from my facebook, ditched any phone numbers I had, and have since been ignoring the situation and persons involved all together.
I had been in a similar situation to individual/s position, but at the other end of the stick. I was the one having horrible things said about me both in the workplace and out off it by an ex roommate and an ex boyfriend. Sadly I had no choice at that time but to leave and seek employment elsewhere because the company policy allowed me to continue being bullied.
Do I regret having tried to tell this friend I was worried about his/her job? YES. I regret it because now I am worried that these people will be gunning for me since I have brushed them off. Even worse yet I fear that they will not be nice to party that delivered me the message.
Am I happy to have done it? YES.
With all the drama I have experienced I have learned a very valuable lesson.
-If your friends cannot take your opinion for what it is worth regardless of how brutally honest and in their face it is.... they are not your friends. If they cannot tell you themselves that they have a problem with you... they are stuck in high school drama and either wish to stay there or allow others too keep them there.
The best way to handle a situation like that is to just throw in the rag and call it quits. Don't go around telling names and only say what's on your mind. if you feel the need in order to let off steam make sure you don't mention any one's name. Don't say "she" or "he" if at all possible.
Just because someone you know gossips about a person and gives out names doesn't give you any right to continue their ways and hurt people regardless of what they have said about you or anyone else.
That is how things should be handled. Adults tell their friends and family when they are doing something that could have serious consequences. They know better than go around telling everyone others deepest darkest secrets. Eventually it all boils down to karma.
Keep that in mind next time you care about someone. Do you want them to know you care and realize they don't? Or........ would you rather keep it a mystery and not say a word?
Between making sure that I avoid any problems so I don't lose my job and taking care of my Fibromyalgia I have been one "void" person and cannot seem to worry about any one or anything except "numero uno". My self preservation and instincts have made me selfish as of late. I want my "BEST" friends as close as possible to help seal the black hole of trust that was left gaping wide open.
Speaking of Fibromyalgia if you or anyone one you know uses CVS CareMark for prescription coverage do not be surprised if you go to fill your medications for nerve pain and the pharmacist tells you that CVS is refusing to cover your script without your doctor calling them and telling them why you need it. Some of those are spending. My drugstore offered to fill it for me out of pocket, but they wanted $160!!!! There was no way I could afford it.
The last few days I have been having intermittent nerve pain to the point of being so annoyed I have been snapping at just about anyone. Then today while at work my hands decided they no longer wanted to work. They went completely numb, started to turn purple, and I couldn't move my fingers!
That was not cool. Numbness and nerve pain are known side affects of with draw from the medications, but I wasn't expecting that.
When I get a chance to call CVS and bitch I am going to do so immediately.
What would have happened if I had been driving a car instead of sitting at a desk?
I could have wrecked. Worse I could have died from a wreck!
I understand that insurance and prescription drug plans are trying to save money, but don't you think that they should check what "could" happen if they refuse to cover it? Apparently they don't care about having to pay out more because someone might get hurt badly and has to be hospitalized.
If you use Lyrica call CVS CareMark at least 2 weeks before your next refill and make sure they refuse to fill before you find out the hard way.
So there you have it. Don't be stupid and tell someone what you need to say to someone else you think you can trust. Also be aware of withdraw side effects of nerve medication. Remember when you worry about others it can bite you in the ass. It is important sometimes to worry about yourself instead of friends and family from time to time.
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