Today for the first time in a long time I realized just who I am. I am a loud, annoying, can't shut-up even with a sock in my mouth, sarcastic person who just doesn't give a hoot what people think about that. I realized that is stupid awesome. I am proud of myself. I have come to accept my faults and just have learned that if others can't deal with it they can pick up their bags lacking acceptance and just move on. Sometimes even faults have their uses.
It is my belief that upon coming into existence in this world everyone is given gifts to help them achieve his/her fate. I never use to know what my fate was suppose to be until a few years ago.
I know that my talent is art, but that my gifts are so much more different. I have been given the gift of friend to many, an open ear, a shoulder to cry on, the person who tells her friends when they are being blind about a situation, and a secret keeper.
In birth I was given another gift that I didn't know I have until 2008 when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. At first I thought it was more like a punishment for all the stupid partying I did in high school. Or that it was punishment for not being a good person. I was convinced of this until early 2010.
Today I realized that my loud mouthed, annoying behavior is also a gift. Most people with Fibromyalgia are embarrassed because they feel they are not going places with improvement to their lives. Sometimes that feeling stems from not having a happy marriage as a result of the illness, but most of the time it is from a lack of understanding by others.
For example when I was diagnosed one of my brothers asked a nurse he worked with about Fibromyalgia because he wanted to learn more. He didn't tell her his little sister was diagnosed. That nurse told him that Fibromyalgia is a made up illness that doctors tell people they have in an attempt to get them to stop complaining about being sick all the time or for coming into the doctor's office when nothing is wrong with them time and time again.
Fibromyalgia was not actually given a name or considered a disorder until sometime in the early 1990's. The leading doctor's working with Fibromyalgia are trying to find a link genetically to see if it actually a disease so it can be reclassified from a disorder to disease. Being so newly named and little being known about it makes it very hard for people to understand what it is.
As a Result many people with Fibromyalgia have been disowned by their families and friends and as a result are scared to speak up about their condition or let others find out. I on the other hand don't give a shit what others think about it. I feel that education is the best thing for everyone.
So of course being the annoying loud mouth I am I tell just about everyone I meet that I have Fibromyalgia and what it is. So many people that I tell ask me what it is. They say they had never heard of it before. Some people think its bull. Other's I'm sure are secretly thinking "Why is this person telling me this?" I don't care. I believe being open and educating the public is very important.
The other day a customer that called my work was telling me that he had a hard time getting behind the TV set to look at his cables. I asked if he had anyone else who could help him.
Flat out he told me " I don't know you so I'm not scared of how you decide to judge me. I would rather attempt this myself it is good for me to move even though it hurts. I have an illness called Fibromyalgia."
I shocked the gentleman when I told him that I know exactly how he was feeling because I too have the illness.
While we were troubleshooting and waiting for his equipment to reset he asked me how I could even leave the house to work. I told him I take medication and follow a guafenisen protocol.
Apparently all the doctors where he lived said that there was nothing to do accept keep taking pain medication and the gentleman admitted to being miserable. He asked me if I thought the quafenisen protocol would work for him.
I honestly told him that it is not for everyone, but it has been working for me. I gave him the website with all the treatment information on it and suggested he print out some information and take it to his next doctor's appointment.
His equipment finished resetting and was finally working.
As I was closing up my phone call I asked him " Have I met your needs today?"
His answer was "More than you will ever know. I believe that it was fate that I got you on the phone. Not only have you fixed my TV problem, but you have given me hope, and even a possible treatment option to give me doctor. You are truly an angel."
If I wasn't so caring, didn't have an open ear, didn't have Fibromyalgia, didn't know of a treatment plan for it, didn't know how to fix a TV problem, didn't understand how much effort or pain this customer was feeling, wasn't a loud mouth talker, then this gentleman might have continued to feel miserable and like no one cared. Perhaps I am his angel, and that makes me feel good.
If him getting me on the phone wasn't fate, then I don't know what it was.
If I wasn't who I am, I honestly believe that It would be pretty damn hard for me to leave my mark in this world. These gifts guide my fate and make me who I am.
Fate is a funny thing sometimes. It was fate that gave me my loving, understanding family and friends.
It is fate that my oldest brother had made a friend years earlier who suffered from the illness and already knew what it was and offered me help. It was fate that my second oldest brother is a brain and feel that his needs help others and works with people who have many problems. He is going to school to be an RN. I also believe in many ways that this same fate is what also ties us together.
If it wasn't for my illness I might not have been able to relate to my eldest brother when he got in an accident and now suffers from permanent nerve injury. If I had not been diagnosed I believe that my other brother might have decided against becoming a nurse to help others more fully.
As for my parents... well.. parents are parents. They love me no matter what and I love them. They help me when they can. My father, who is pushing 70, comes and helps me fix things around the house. Sometimes it is hard work. My mother is there for me when I get depressed because I feel useless and offers a shoulder to cry on. If I am in too bad of shape to do anything she comes and does my laundry and washes my dishes. I believe that fate is still at work with my parents. Some day they will need me and I will be there for them.
It is said that thread holds the universe together and bind us to one another. I believe that fate is actually this thread. Without it no one would be tied together, and there would be no love or understanding in this world. So next time something bad happens to you or you think poorly about yourself or others; think of a roll of thread and how you tie into the world. You may just discover what your fate really is or see life in a different perspective.
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